باز هم همان حکایت همیشگی.....
من به درماندگی صخره و سنگ،من به آوارگی ابر و نسیم،من به سرگشتگی آهوی دشت،من به تنهایی خود می مانم... 
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پيوندهای روزانه

انتظار سخت است، فراموش کردن هم سخت است، اما اینکه ندانی باید انتظار بکشی یا فراموش کنی از همه سخت تر است.

 این روزهای آخر به پوچی این انتظار بیهوده و نادرستی این ثانیه شماری بی هدف پی برده ام، اما آیا آب ریخته به جوی بازمی گردد؟   

Tell me how you could do it? You? Me? With all this difference? I wouldn't ever dream of growing the slightest bit of feeling for you.We never had anything in common! Oh maybe except our love for literature and our love for love itself.... right? but you still managed to do it somehow! With all those nice lovely words, those little tricks, those kind expressive eyes which oozed out love and passion every time you set them upon me.

It was all a childish little game at start. I wouldn't even believe all those nice words came out of love. I would laugh at you in my mind or would just take pity on you for even thinking that it could impress me at all, but then it got more serioud in time. It took time, but it happened at the end. How I wish it never had! Who could believe for a second that I would finally start to feel the same for you?  Would you yourself believe it?

But it was wrong, costly and sooooo stupid! You brought all this pain on me, now be brave enough to hear me out! It was so brutal of you to draw me into your world and then the moment I was all into you, let go of me. How could you do it? Who gave you the right to be so inconsiderate towards me? It was totally stupid of me to develop any kind of feelings for you. You would have never been mine and I realised it at my cost.

I may have had no right to want a share of you when you already had others to care about, when you already had strong attachments and commitments to others. But tell me who was the one to innitiate it? YOU! You yourself invited me into your world, and I fell for it gradually. I should have known better; I always knew there was something wrong with this relationship, but perhaps didn't want to believe it. Now it serves me totally right to end up feeling all hurt and lonely That's what silly people like me end up to! 

But it's OVER now! I can take you off my mind just like I let you into my mind. It needs such a great effor, but I know I'll make it one way or another. I'll do my best and use all the power within me to move past you. Yes, I'll stop thinking about you! All I need to do is to replace you with someone else, someone other than you to think and care about. It's the best I can do a the moment to feel better.

باور کنید بیان آشفتگی ها و بیقراری ها و اعتراف به اشتباهات (و گناهان!) به زبان غیر مادری برام راحتتره. کاش میشد راحت و بی دغدغه نوشت، بی نگرانی از قضاوتها، حرفها، حدیثها... 

همه حرفهای توی دلم فقط اینها که با تو گفتم نیست

گاه چندین هزار جمله هنوز همه حرفهای آدم نیست

به یک چیز باور دارم و اون اینکه اگه از اشتباهات گذشته درس نگیری، انقدر تکرار میشند تا به زور یادشون بگیری.

راست میگند کسی که باد بکاره طوفان درو میکنه...

ای عاشق در انتظار چه نشستی ؟
در انتظار بادهای پائیزی ؟
باران های بهاری؟
برگ های زرد؟ شکوفه های ارغوانی؟
انتظار بیهوده است، پنجره را باز کن!

غبار را بشوی
و خاطره ها را به خاطره ها بسپار
تا پایان پایان ها مانده است...

[ ۱۳٩٢/٥/۱٥ ] [ ۱٠:٥۸ ‎ق.ظ ] [ Daisy ] [ نظرات () ]
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من به درماندگی صخره و سنگ، من به آوارگی ابر و نسیم، من به سرگشتگی آهوی دشت، من به تنهایی خود می مانم...
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